The Mirror has a story about Simon Cowell’s first love phoning in live to American Idol and dishing on their first kiss.

I wont bore you with the details, as I think the entire story is a crock. If you want to read the real story behind Simon’s first love, you need to click the link.

Simon Cowell had an encounter from the past with his first love when an old love letter he had written was brought to his attention. Says Simon:

“I forgot about writing this to myself. I was young at the time. Coming from a poor family, we didn’t having many luxuries. We had just got our first mirror and looking at my reflection in it, I fell madly in love with myself.”

“I thought it was normal. I mean, who wouldn’t love me, just look at me.”

“It wasn’t a homosexual thing or anything gay like that, I just looked at myself and thought,”

“It doesn’t get any better then this.”

“No other relationship has come as close, or meant as much to me since. I really am my first love and will carry that with me for the rest of my life.”

“Excuse me now, as I think I need some time alone with myself.”

Simon, what are those groaning noises, and why do you keep calling out your own name?