Howard Stern is not going to be on Dolly Parton’s Christmas card list this year.

The pneumatically enhanced Parton took offense with Stern’s fake recreation of Dolly’s audio book. In the Stern version, he has Dolly appear to say things such as.

“Kenny Rogers smells like boy cum.” and Linda Ronstadt being a

“really bad tub of shit”

Dolly issued the following statement:

“I have never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated in all my life. I cannot believe what Howard Stern has done to me. In a blue million years, I would never have such vulgar things come out of my mouth. (She has probably put some pretty disgusting things in there though.) They have done editing or some sort of trickery to make this horrible, horrible thing. Please accept my apology for them and certainly know I had nothing to do with this. If there was ever going to be a lawsuit, it’s going to be over this. Just wanted you to know that I am completely devastated by this.”

You know the funny thing is, that even though she may never say these things, she didn’t deny thinking them….;-)