Michael Jackson Has Banished Children From His Life

Michael Jackson is planning a comeback. So serious is he, that he has even banned his kids from his Las Vegas studio.

Starpulse reports, “Michael is producing the album himself and has banned his kids from the recording studio. He realizes this is very important and doesn’t want any distractions. He’s not going to be involved in any personal relationships with women until he gets this record done. He’s dumped the nanny - she’s not around any more.”

As if he would be in a personal relationship with any woman, without there was children involved. At least his children can sleep safely while his focus is elsewhere.

Some potential song titles.

• How Much Is That Baby In The Window
• Chocolate Salty Balls
• It’s Only Kinky The First Time
• He’s My Cabana Boy
• I Love Hard Candy
• Finger Wiggle Fun
• Under Cover Father (Extended Play)
• Pajama Party
• And many more…

Jacko’s Face Falling Apart

You know you are having a bad day when you have to use sticking plaster just to keep your face together.

Just when you thought he couldn’t get any stranger, Michael Jackson decides to go shopping with Prince, Paris and Blanket, while wearing a black scarf and with large section of his face covered in sticking plaster.

There is probably a logical explanation for this. I think that each piece of plaster is labeled so that he knows just where to put each individual face segment. So they would be labeled something like this:

1. Upper lip left side
2. Upper lip center
3. Upper left right side
4. Lower lip left side
5. Lower lip center
6. Lower lip right side
7. Chin
8. Teeth… etc

Could you imagine going out with a facial feature in the wrong spot, or worse still if you left one off. What would that look like?

Something like this: Read more

Brangelina To Purchase Neverland Ranch?

If the rumours are to be believed, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have decided to let their kids grow up in the former home of a “suspected” paedophile. Apparently, they think it would be a perfectly delightful place to raise children… go figure.

The property in question is Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch, which was put on the market after the singer was unable to meet the massive mortgage repayments on his 23 million dollar loan.

A source said: “Brad and Angelina are very interested in the property and will be closely following any developments involving the Neverland Ranch.”

What impressed the two actors most about the 2,700-acre ranch was not the fact that Jackson owns it and was rumoured to have molested numerous boys as young as their Maddox in the hallowed halls, but the extensive security system within the complex.

Oh… and the fairground rides and zoo out back, too, of course.

[Source]

Wacko Jacko Suffers From Pneumonia

A number of sources are reporting that Michael “Wacko Jacko” Jackson has just been hospitalized with pneumonia, something that’s rumoured to have been triggered by a bout of the flu he’d caught from his children.

Jackson’s publicist, Raymone Bain, said that the family fell ill during a trip to Japan, and had to return to the States because of this “illness.” Michael is said to be still suffering from the sickness.

His rep revealed: “I’m not sure what the diagnosis is [for Michael]. It could be pneumonia.”

Michael has apparently spent a few days in a Las Vegas hospital to deal with this “suspected bout of pneumonia.”

No comment yet on whether his illness was caused from extreme excitement over seeing plans of his 50-ft Vegas robot…

[Source]

[tags]michael jackson, pneumonia, hospital, flu, sick[/tags]

A 50-ft Wacko Jacko Robot in Vegas

Sounds like it’s straight out of a horror movie, doesn’t it?

Well, according to a source, there’s a very good chance that a 50-ft Jacko robot, complete with flashing lights, will become a reality in Sin City.

“It would be in the desert sands,” says Mike Luckman, who is a consultant to many large entertainment companies. “Laser beams would shoot out of it so it would be the first thing people flying would see. Neon is wonderful, but it’s old school.”

Adds Luckman: “Michael’s looked at the sketches and likes them.”

Eek! As if the real Wacko isn’t scary enough, now we might have to put up with a gigantic one as well! Remind me not to fly in to Vegas if this is the case…

[Source]

[tags]michael jackson, wacko, jacko, robot, las vegas, scary[/tags]

Wacko’s New Neverland

The King of Freak himself has touched down in his new Las Vegas pad, hoping to secure a live gig on the strip a la Celine Dion, in order to make a comeback in the entertainment industry.

His new Spanish-style stucco mansion is certainly no Neverland, but after announcing that he’s planning to sell his Peter Pan dream residence, he’s hoping his place in Vegas will be the new Neverland.

Creator of Las Vegas’ Beacher’s Madhouse, Jeff Beacher, was the first to confirm Jackson’s arrival in Sin City.

“[Jackson] wants to make his comeback here…[He] wants this to be his new Neverland.”

Jack Wishna, a close friend of Jackson, believes that Wacko will soon be back at the top of the entertainment world. “We are working on several projects,” Wishna said. [Source]
What would be even scarier than Wacko performing in Sin City?? Wacko and Celine Dion performing together in Sin City!!!

[tags]michael jackson, wacko jacko, comeback, las vegas, sin city[/tags]

Jackson To Sell Neverland

Michael Jackson is planning on using a reality TV show to sell his Neverland Ranch.

The peds paradise, has degeneraated from its once Disneyland style to resemble a ghost town since the singer deserted the California property in July 2005.

Jackson is hoping to sell the ranch — with its abandoned zoo and amusement park — by featuring it on the Bravo network.

Jacko, who left the U.S. after being cleared of his most recent child molestation charges, wants to sell the property for $50 million and is negotiating with the network to sell it on their reality show “Million Dollar Listing: Hollywood.”

The National Enquirer reports that Jacko is pretty strapped for cash and needs some fast money.

I guess the price of boiled lollies has gone up a bit lately.

“The show will have exclusive access to Neverland and can do numerous segments about selling one of the most famous residences in the world.

Not sure if it will have access to all of his ’secret’ rooms.

“He is running out of funds and appears distraught. He showed up at a meeting last week with his pants inside out! He’s a mess.”

Nothing out of the ordinary there for him. This is the guy who used to wear one glove, a face mask, and recently dressed in womens clothes. [Source]

[tags]michael, jackson, broke, sell, neverland[/tags]

Wacko Jacko Spent a Fortune Voting for a Loser

Michael Jackson’s brother, Tito, has revealed that Wacko “spent a fortune” voting for his best buddy, David Gest, in order to help him win the ‘King of the Jungle’ title on I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!

Unfortunately for Wacko Jacko, he was backing a loser, as David was kicked out of the (Australian) jungle last week, coming in fourth place.

Tito said: “It was such a shame David went out, but we think he did a great job. Michael voted for David to stay in. He spent a fortune.” [Source]

A fortune I didn’t know Wacko had…I thought he was broke from paying people off and going on all those outrageous spending sprees…

[tags]michael jackson, wacko jacko, fortune, voting, loser[/tags]

Jackson Supports Gest

It seems Wacko Jacko is a fan of celebrity reality TV.

Michael has sent a letter of support (through his brother, Tito), to good friend, David Gest (you may remember him as Liza Minelli’s hubby), wishing him all the best, and rooting for him to win.

The celebrities on the Survivor-type show were rewarded with letters from home, after retrieving the ‘Celebrity Chest.’ David was one of the few who received letters from some prominent names in show biz.

Tito Jackson was among them, and he wrote: “Michael was watching you on TV in London recently and told me, ‘That man never changes but I wish him all the best and would love to see him win the show as he has come a long way in that jungle. Rather him than me. Ha ha ha.’” [Source]

The show is called I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here, and what shocked me most about this story was that the ‘jungle’ they are referring to is in Australia!!! The title the celebs on the show are fighting for is even called ‘King of the Jungle!!!’

Hello!?! It’s called the Outback!!! Michael/Tito aren’t the only celebs to get the Australian Outback confused with, say, the deep jungles of Asia…all the celebrity letters to Gest referred to it as ‘the jungle.’ That’s celebrities for you…ÂÂ

[tags]michael jackson, david gest, support, australia, jungle[/tags]

Michael Jackson Sufferes Stage Fright

The Queen of Pop returned to the stage last night for the first time in nine yeats at the World Music Awards in London.

He was scheduled to re-create his Thriller video after being presented with the Diamond Award for selling more than 100 million albums.

The audience who had paid up to $130 for a ticket, were left waiting for 30 minutes as Jackson suffered stage fright in his dressing room.

Beyoncé, who was being honoured in the show, comforted Jackson and persuaded him to sing.

Thriller was hastily performed as a “tribute” to Jackson by an American singer, Chris Brown. Jackson eventually shuffled on stage to a backing tape playing We Are the World. Accompanied by a group of London schoolchildren, Jackson completed one verse and one chorus. [Source]
He was probably worried about melting under the lights.

[tags]michael jackson, stage fright, awards[/tags]

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