The Hoff Needs Your Help

The Hoff is looking for love in all the wrong places, plus, he really needs some help to update his technique.

While appearing as a judge on America’s Got Talent, The Hoff uses his time to scan the audience looking for attractive booty. If he finds something he likes, he sends his assistant out to arrange a meeting.

Using the same old technique that stars have used for decades, the assistant recently went up to a woman in the audience and gave her a signed pic of The Hoff with a message on the back saying he wanted to meet her, along with his assistant’s phone number, and the name of the hotel they were staying at.

She was obviously made of stern stuff this lady, as she turned him down.

So come on all you female Hoff fans, give the big guy a break, take the initiative and reach out to him. Leave a comment on why you want to date The Hoff.

The Hoff Gets Full Custody of Kids

With the “hamburger incident” almost forgotten, David Hasselhoff emerged from the Los Angeles court room today with a huge smile plastered across his face, after being awarded full custody of his two children.

Hoff told the waiting media it was “a beautiful day to go the beach,” explaining that he’d just received primary physical and sole legal custody of his daughters.

“The judge said today ‘enough, enough is enough, these children have been through enough,’” Hasselhoff said.

Moments later, ex-wife Pamela Bach was spotted crying in a hallway, but after several minutes alone with her lawyer in the ladies restrooms, appeared smiling and waving to the press.

[Source]

The Hoff Gets Custody!

David Hasselhoff has been awarded temporary custody of his two children today, despite the fact that he recently appeared on a home video drunk and destroying a hamburger.

A source has told TMZ that before the hearing, the judge was adamant he was not going to award Hasselhoff custody, because of his alcohol problems, however, upon learning about the way Hoff’s ex-wife, Pamela Bach, treats the children, decided they were safer in Hasselhoff’s hands.

The court-appointed expert, who performed psychological evaluations on the family, said that Bach was “abusive to her kids - especially Hayley,” the youngest. Bach was also frowned upon because of her refusal to be drug tested, among other things.

David will retain custody of his two children until the next hearing, which is in two weeks.

[Source]

[tags] david, hasselhoff, hoff, pamela, bach, custody, kids, hearing, judge, abuse[/tags]

Hasselhoff Banned From Seeing His Kids

Following the world-wide release of his drunken video tape on the internet, a Los Angeles Superior Court Judge has decided that David Hasselhoff is not the best role model for his two young children, and has temporarily banned him from seeing them.

Hasselhoff’s ex-wife, Pamela Bach, who filed an emergency court order on Monday, said today through her lawyer: “[The judge] suspended all visitation and custody until May 21.”

Apparently, if he wants to see his children again, he must check into a rehab facility and get himself cleaned up.

The Hoff’s attonery has confirmed that all visitation rights have been suspended, “pending a report from a court-appointed psychologist.”

That’s what happens when you have your children video-tape you drunk during a particularly nasty divorce…

[Source]

[tags] david, hasselhoff, banned, children, kids, visitation, suspended, court, order[/tags]

A Hoff-ing Mess!

A video of a very drunk David Hasselhoff, filmed by his 17-year-old daughter three months ago, has found its way to the internet… isn’t that always the way??

Apparently, Hoff had ordered his daughters to tape him the next time he was a slurring mess.

A source revealed: “David told his daughters that if he ever fell off the wagon, they should tape him so that he’ll know what kind of condition he’s in and learn something from it.”

In the video, you can hear Hoff’s young daughter begging him to clean himself up, for fear he’d lose his job.

“Dad look what this is doing to you. You have to stop drinking alcohol, promise me you won’t drink anymore. They’re going to come tomorrow and test you and you’re going to lose your job.”

The “job” his girl is talking about is the Las Vegas production of The Producers he’s set to star in.

In light of the release of the tape, which clearly shows a very messed-up Hoff, the former Baywatch star issued a statement:

“I am a recovering alcoholic. Despite that, I have been going through a painful divorce and I have recently been separated from my children due to my work.”

“I have been successfully dealing with my issue. Unfortunately, I did have a brief relapse, but part of recovery is relapse. Because of my honest and posititve relationship with my children, who were concerned for my well-being, there was a tape made when I had a relapse to show me what I was like.”

“I have seen the tape. I have learned from it, and I am back on my game. I thank God for the love and concern from my children.”

If you’d like to check out the video for yourself, click here.

[tags] david, hasselhoff, hoff, mess, drunk, video, alcohol, children[/tags]

A ‘Director in Drag’ for Hoff

Since he’s worked out that disguising himself as Goofy isn’t such a good idea, David’s decided on a new disguise - a flamboyant director in drag!!!

Well, not exactly…but he will be wearing a dress, as he portrayes the cross-dressing director, Roger DeBris, in the Las Vegas production of The Producers.

His stint as Roger will begin at Paris Las Vegas, on January 31, and Hasselhoff can’t wait to get into a bra and high heels.

“I am honored to be a part of anything Mel Brooks (the original 1968 movie creator) is involved with. He has always been my favorite man of comedy.”

Brooks is also quite taken with David…and his legs!!!

He said David “has an incredible comedic timing, terrific musical theater experience and a stage presence that I think will be a perfect marriage with the role. And, by the way, he has great legs for that dress.” [Source]

I can’t wait for pictures of Hoff in action!!! I wonder who will look better in drag…Hoff or John Travolta?!?ÂÂ

[tags]david hasselhoff, the producers, drag[/tags]

David Hasselhoff Will Chop Your Pecker Off

David Hasselhoff is your normal protective father to his two daughters, 14 year old Hayley and 16 year old Taylor Ann.

Recounting to Elle magazine his converstation to his eldest daughter and her older boyfriend he said, “You’re only 16. There’s plenty of time to have sex and fall in love.”

To him, it was much simpler, “If you hurt my daughter in any way, I will take you outside and I will cut your dick off. I will have no problem spending the rest of my life in prison.”

In further enlightening details, The Hoff explains how he maintains anonymity when he ventures out in public.

David said: “I sometimes wear a Goofy hat from Disney, with the Goofy ears and stuff. But then people come up to me and say, ‘Why are you wearing that Goofy hat, Mr Hasselhoff?’” [Source]
So not only is he sprung wearing a pretty slack disguise, but he also comes across as even more of a nut for doing it.

[tags]david hasselhoff, cut pecker off, disguise[/tags]

Hasselhoff Divorce Details Leaked

The divorce between David Hasselhoff and Pamela Bach just got a little messier…with confidential details being mistakingly entered into public record on Wednesday.

Included in the 66-page report by Hasselhoff’s lawyers was the allegation that Pamela Bach tested positive for cocaine two months agao, and was intoxicated at their daughter Taylor Ann’s sweet 16 party in May, as well as numerous allegations of infidelity committed by Hasselhoff, and his issues with drug, alcohol and physical abuse toward Bach.

Hasselhoff’s lawyer told People: “We’re all outraged. This was a horrible mistake on behalf of the court. David would never intentionally release anything that would be hurtful to his children. He’s quite disturbed about this.”

“I don’t believe it was intentionally misfiled. It’s a mistake that happens, based on the volume of work the court receives.”

However, Bach’s lawyer insists that this ‘leakage’ WAS intentional, and states: “I consider this an intentional attempt to besmirch (Bach’s) character and reputation. She’s a good mother and she wants to protect her children. I have no idea how these documents became public.”

This is the second time in this divorce that portions of legal documents were inadvertently leaked by the court.

[tags]david hasselhoff, pamela bach, divorce, details leaked[/tags]

Hasselhoff Charm

David Hasselhoff just can’t seem to keep his sleazy comments to himself!!!

Just days after trying (very unsuccessfully) to chat up British GMTV host, Jenni Falconer, The Hoff was at it again, attempting to charm his way into the heart (or was it the sack?) of young British columnist, Suzanne Kerins.

Ms Kerins was at London’s posh Claridges Hotel, where she was presenting The Hoff with the Guinness World Record for Most Watched Man on TV, when his ‘charm’ kicked into overload.

The Hoff told her: “I was falling asleep on GMTV until I saw Jenni. Wow, she was beautiful!”

“But look at you, Suzanne. I’m looking at your legs - I like your legs and I’m just loving your toes.” Ewww…a creepy, kinky TOE fetish…

When Hoff received his award, he insisted cheekily “Let’s celebrate, Suzanne, with a kiss - on the lips of course!” Perhaps Hoff needs to tone it down a bit, and be more ‘Secret Agent Man!’

Sorry, couldn’t resist!!!

[tags]david hasselhoff, charm, guinness world record[/tags]

More Hasselhoff Video Magic

It is time for some more Hasselhoff magic moments.

Sit back and enjoy Secret Agent Man.

[gv data=”http://www.youtube.com/?v=lKuQXGrFSQ0″ width=”448″][/gv]

[tags]david hasselhoff, video[/tags]

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